For the longest time I thought that my exes had given me nothing but pain. But I guess I was wrong. There were lessons attached to that pain that I refused to acknowledge. But finally, to not repeat my mistakes and patterns in my relationships, I decided to write down everything that made my past relationships go south and how I used to think of my exes.
There are a few things that apparently we all are guilty of. Considering your relationship the best, thinking we can heal our partner, and stepping into toxicity in the name of love. This wasn’t all. We are to be blamed for thinking that love and sex can make veerything work and sticking to an old relationship is the only way to survive a relationship. But I guess with time a lot of us understood this was not how relationships were supposed to work and this definitely wasn’t love. While these were some lessons that being in a relationship and working to stay in one taught us, there is a lot that even our exes taught. I have enlisted my lessons, I hope after reading mine you will consider writing lessons your exes taught you.
Nobody Is Perfect
I have always considered my partner perfect and better than me. Some may consider it as adoring a partner and appreciating their qualities, but it wasn’t that straight. I presumed my partners were perfect for the bare minimum they used to do. I considered them perfect because I thought lowly of myself. Because I couldn’t accept myself as I was, I had set the bar so low that literally every other guy who would talk politely with me or show a little affection was an ideal man for me. When the same men did wrong to me, the only question I had for them used to be, “you were perfect, how could you do this?” to which their reply used to be “I am not perfect, you considered me, I never said I was perfect.” it actually made sense. Just because I considered them perfect, they were not obliged to act perfectly. They could be however they wish to be, it was on me for considering them perfect.
Not Everyone Hurts You Intentionally
One may think that the intention behind hurting someone would be to hurt them or make them feel bad but that is not always the case. There are times when people are just trying to make things easier for the both of them but end up hurting the other person in the process. One of my exes I had loved like crazy ended up hurting me. I still don’t understand where things went wrong but I was never able to blame him completely. It was the situation and even though he may have made it seem like he managed, I believe he was hurt too. Not as much as me but there is no competition in who would feel more hurt. He taught me that even if he or the situation he created hurt me a lot, it wasn’t his intention. Innocent mistakes pushed us to choose different paths.
Conscious Mistake Is Not a One Time Thing
Unlike innocent mistakes, conscious mistakes are what are intended to hurt the other person and it is just sad that people choose to make conscious mistakes. One of my boyfriends cheated on me and apologized when confronted. Obviously like any other person, he promised he would not do any such thing again but ended up repeating not once or twice but multiple times. As somebody who doesn’t like breaking up, I continued giving him chances thinking I was doing something wrong. I tried to please him in every way possible to keep him but after a year, I had to leave. It is easy to expect someone to change but if the person isn’t ready themselves, there won’t be any changes. And usually, a person making conscious mistakes more than once isn’t into it to change.
You Cannot Please Someone
When I was trying to please the aforementioned boyfriend of mine, I used to hit new lows every day. Even though I never really loved myself completely, seeing myself doing things that were beyond pathetic just to save a relationship was unacceptable for me yet I was doing that. Begging him to do anything he wishes to but not leave me, letting him treat me like dust, and leaving everything that I used to love just to be with him were a few things that I did other than making everything physical. Nothing worked. He still continued cheating. It took a lot of my time and energy to realize that this wasn’t something I deserved. My mental health was affected and I had to get medically treated. I relied on therapy and delta 8 even after the relationship ended and couldn’t make any friends for a year. Finally, I decided to accept myself and soon I was over the pain. You can check this site to know more about delta 8. It really helped a lot.
Overthinking Will Only Hurt Me
My exes taught me one of the most important lessons of my life. Overthinking will only hurt me. They won’t get affected by how I am allowing my thoughts to take the best of me. They will just leave and move on. I will be stuck with the pain. So it is better to not indulge into thinking negatively. Overthinking is something I have struggled with the most, but now that I realized that it is bad for just me and no one else, I decided to discontinue this habit of mine.